A Pakistani tourist after a long walk in one of very fancy clean streets of Delhi found himself needing to urinate badly. After a long search he could not find any place to you-know, and eventually couldn't control himself and chose a silent corner of a clean street to release himself.
As soon as he had just started you-know-what, a Delhi police official approached him, "Hey, What do you think you're doing here?"
Pakistani tourist: "Sorry I have to Pee"
Police : "No PP here okay ? Follow me."
The Police officer took him to a beautiful garden nearby with lots of grass, flowers and singing birds around.
Police: "PP here..... and have a nice day".
Pakistani tourist : "Oh Sir, ....... that's very nice of you, is this Indian courtesy?"
Police: "No.......this is The Pakistani Embassy!"
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Frog & Beautiful Girl
A lonely frog, desparate for some form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?"
"No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."
The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?"
"No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."
LONG LIVE INDIA.....
A pilot makes an announcement to his passengers, "There's too much weight on the plane! Someone will have to jump!"
The English man jumped out yelling, "SAVE THE QUEEN!!" But the plane was still too heavy.
The Spanish man jumped out yelling, "SAVE THE KING!!" But the plane was still to heavy.
The Russian man jumped out yelling, "FOR THE MOTHERLAND!!" At this point the plane was only one person overweight.
The Indian picks up the Mexican and throws him out saying, "LONG LIVE INDIA"
The English man jumped out yelling, "SAVE THE QUEEN!!" But the plane was still too heavy.
The Spanish man jumped out yelling, "SAVE THE KING!!" But the plane was still to heavy.
The Russian man jumped out yelling, "FOR THE MOTHERLAND!!" At this point the plane was only one person overweight.
The Indian picks up the Mexican and throws him out saying, "LONG LIVE INDIA"
PIRATE
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said,
"Hey, I haven't seen you in awhile. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
"Well, o.k.,but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"
"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight.
My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from some bird shit."
"It was my first day with the hook."
"Hey, I haven't seen you in awhile. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
"Well, o.k.,but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"
"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight.
My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from some bird shit."
"It was my first day with the hook."
CLEVER BLONDE
A blonde, a brunette and a red head were stranded at sea on a boat. It was 100 miles to the nearest land. The red head decides that she is going to try to swim the 100 miles. She makes it 25 miles before she gets too tired and drowns. The brunette tries to swim the 100 miles. She makes it 35 miles before she gets too tired and drowns. The blonde realizing that the other two have drowned tries to swim the 100 miles. She swims 50 miles, decides that it's too far, and swims back.
CLEVER WIFE
A woman finds a genie's lamp. The Genie comes out and says, "You may have three wishes, but your husband will get ten times more than what you wished for."
The woman agrees. Her first wish was that she would be the most beautiful woman in the world. "You realize," the Genie said, "that your husband will be ten times more beautiful than you, and more women will gawk at him?"
"That's okay," says the woman, "He'll only look at me because I will be the most beautiful women." So the wish is granted.
Her second wish was that she would be the richest woman in the world. "You know your husband will ten times richer, right?" the Genie asks.
"That's okay. What's mine is his and what's his is mine," replied the woman. So the wish was granted.
The woman then thinks long and hard about her last wish. She finally wishes that she had a mild heart attack.
The woman agrees. Her first wish was that she would be the most beautiful woman in the world. "You realize," the Genie said, "that your husband will be ten times more beautiful than you, and more women will gawk at him?"
"That's okay," says the woman, "He'll only look at me because I will be the most beautiful women." So the wish is granted.
Her second wish was that she would be the richest woman in the world. "You know your husband will ten times richer, right?" the Genie asks.
"That's okay. What's mine is his and what's his is mine," replied the woman. So the wish was granted.
The woman then thinks long and hard about her last wish. She finally wishes that she had a mild heart attack.
SPEED DRIVE
A man was driving on the highway and got pulled over for speeding. The cop got out and says, "Can I see your license, please?"
The man looks at him and says, "my license has been suspended."
Then the cop asks, "Can I see your registration."
"Oh," says the man, "I stole this car, but I think I saw it in the glove compartment when I put my gun in there."
"You have a gun?" the cops asks.
"Yeah," the man says, "I used it to kill the woman in thr trunk."
Hearing this, the cop rushes back to his car and alerts the chief who comes right over. The chief gets the man out of the car and asks for his license. The man gives it to him. Then he asks for the registration, which the man also hands over. Then the chief asks to see the inside of the glove compartment. Lastly, the chief asks to see what's inside of the trunk. He didn't find a gun or a body in the car, so he turns to the man and says, "I'm sorry. This officer called me and said that you were driving a stolen car without a license with a gun in the glove compartment and a body in the trunk."
"And I bet he also told you I was speeding," he man says.
The man looks at him and says, "my license has been suspended."
Then the cop asks, "Can I see your registration."
"Oh," says the man, "I stole this car, but I think I saw it in the glove compartment when I put my gun in there."
"You have a gun?" the cops asks.
"Yeah," the man says, "I used it to kill the woman in thr trunk."
Hearing this, the cop rushes back to his car and alerts the chief who comes right over. The chief gets the man out of the car and asks for his license. The man gives it to him. Then he asks for the registration, which the man also hands over. Then the chief asks to see the inside of the glove compartment. Lastly, the chief asks to see what's inside of the trunk. He didn't find a gun or a body in the car, so he turns to the man and says, "I'm sorry. This officer called me and said that you were driving a stolen car without a license with a gun in the glove compartment and a body in the trunk."
"And I bet he also told you I was speeding," he man says.
POOR FOOL....
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
Pope and Advertising
Frank Purdue arranges to visit the Pope. After receiving the papal blessing he whispers, "Your Eminence, do we have a deal for you. If you change The Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread....'to 'give us this day our daily chicken....' we will donate $500 million dollars to the Church".
The Pope responds saying, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed".
"Well then," says Frank Purdue, "we are prepared to donate $1 billion the Church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread....' to 'give us this day our daily chicken...."
Again the Pope replies "That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed".
Finally, Frank Perdue says to the Pope,"Sir, this is our last offer. We will donate $5 billion to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread....' to 'give us this day our daily chicken....'" and he leaves.
The next day the Pope meets with the College of Cardinals. "I have good news, and I have bad news," he tells them.
"The good news is that the Church has come into $5 billion ... The bad news is that we're losing The Wonderbread Account"
The Pope responds saying, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed".
"Well then," says Frank Purdue, "we are prepared to donate $1 billion the Church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread....' to 'give us this day our daily chicken...."
Again the Pope replies "That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed".
Finally, Frank Perdue says to the Pope,"Sir, this is our last offer. We will donate $5 billion to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread....' to 'give us this day our daily chicken....'" and he leaves.
The next day the Pope meets with the College of Cardinals. "I have good news, and I have bad news," he tells them.
"The good news is that the Church has come into $5 billion ... The bad news is that we're losing The Wonderbread Account"
The Pope is pulled over for speeding
The Pope, having been invited to address the United Nations, arrives in New York and is wisked away in a private limo. Unfortunately, security delays have made the Pope late for his speech and he instructs his driver to make up the delay by driving as fast as he can. Even with the driver's best efforts, the Pope knows they are still going to arrive late and insists that the driver make even better time. The driver fears for the Pope's safety and hesitates to drive any faster. Now totally frustrated, the Pope tells the driver to get in the back and let him drive.
The Pontiff takes the limo beyond known limits, making incredible turns and wildly dodges in and out of traffic in an effort to reach the United Nations in time. Six blocks from their destination a New York police officer catches up with the limo and pulls them over. Upon approaching the driver's side window and recognizing the Pope immediately, the police officer informs the Pope he was speeding and driving recklessly. The Pope explains "We are in a very big hurry to address an international audience on the most urgent of worldly matters". The officer begs the Pope's pardon and returns to his squad car to make a call to headquarters.
"Get me the chief right away!" the officer demands.
"This is the chief, what's the problem?"
"Chief, this is Roberts. I've pulled over a big shot, and I'm not so sure what to do"
"Who is it, the Mayor?" asks the chief.
"Bigger than that" says the officer.
"Don't tell me you pulled over the Governor!" asks the chief.
"Bigger than the Governor" says the officer.
"Bigger than the Governor! A Senator? A Congressman?"
"Bigger" say the officer.
"Who the hell did you pull over, the President of the United States?!" the chief asks, alarmed.
"Chief, I'm not sure who he is, but his driver is the Pope!"
The Pontiff takes the limo beyond known limits, making incredible turns and wildly dodges in and out of traffic in an effort to reach the United Nations in time. Six blocks from their destination a New York police officer catches up with the limo and pulls them over. Upon approaching the driver's side window and recognizing the Pope immediately, the police officer informs the Pope he was speeding and driving recklessly. The Pope explains "We are in a very big hurry to address an international audience on the most urgent of worldly matters". The officer begs the Pope's pardon and returns to his squad car to make a call to headquarters.
"Get me the chief right away!" the officer demands.
"This is the chief, what's the problem?"
"Chief, this is Roberts. I've pulled over a big shot, and I'm not so sure what to do"
"Who is it, the Mayor?" asks the chief.
"Bigger than that" says the officer.
"Don't tell me you pulled over the Governor!" asks the chief.
"Bigger than the Governor" says the officer.
"Bigger than the Governor! A Senator? A Congressman?"
"Bigger" say the officer.
"Who the hell did you pull over, the President of the United States?!" the chief asks, alarmed.
"Chief, I'm not sure who he is, but his driver is the Pope!"
Friday, March 30, 2007
Sardarji - Always Clever.....
One day, Banta, along with his two friends, one being Polish and the otherbeing an American went to the police station to get jobs as cops. However, they would have to answer only one question. The Polish person went into the room.
Detective: Who killed Jesus?
Polish: The Catholics.
Detective: Good answer. In an hour or so, we'll tell you if you got the
job.
The American goes next.
Detective: Who killed Jesus?
American: The Jews.
Detective: Good answer. In an hour or so, we'll tell you if you got the
job.
Banta is next.
Detective: Who killed Jesus?
Banta: You have to give me more time. Can I tell you tomorrow?
Detective: Sure, take as much time as you want.
Banta then went home and he finds his wife making dinner.
Wife: How did your interview go, sweetheart.
Banta: It went very well. I'm on my very first murder case.
Engage Ring
Once a sardarni asks her lover sardarji :"if we get engaged will u give me a ring "
The sardar says :"SURE , whats your phone number?
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